Pen Pals in 2020 and Where to Find Them

There are few things I enjoy more in life than hand writing a letter. It doesn't matter who I'm sending it to or what I'm talking about. The act of putting pen to paper and sharing your innermost thoughts with another person is a beautiful experience. I did it with my husband when we were engaged, and by the time we got married I don't think there was a person on this earth who knew me better. There's a sincerity and vulnerability that comes from letter writing that no Facebook status, no Tweet, and no vlog can hope to replicate. In the modern age of instantaneous communication that has rendered mailboxes into junk mail receptacles, there's something kind of magical about getting a letter from someone who doesn't want money from you.

But where do you find a pen pal in 2020? Are there really people out there who are still interested in writing letters, using envelopes, trading addresses with strangers, and buying stamps?

Answer: Yes! And if you're interested in finding one, I can help to point you in the right direction.

Reddit

I have the most luck finding pen pals on Reddit. I started out on the r/fountainpens subreddit because I was specifically looking for pen-and-paper penpals, rather than email. From there, I found several others that help me to check several other boxes. The r/penpals subreddit is a good place to look if you're younger, especially if you're school-aged or in your twenties. I am neither, so I continued searching for subreddits where an adult might find other adults interested in written correspondence.

The place I've had the best luck so far is the r/penpalsover30 subreddit. I also had r/FountainPenPals recommended to me, but I haven't used it yet because I just missed the June match up. I'll try to jump on board in July and see how that works out.

It's also worth mentioning that if you don't find a subreddit for the pen pals you're looking for, you can always create your own. However, I've had good enough luck on Reddit so far that I just haven't had to do that.

Facebook and Instagram

Full disclosure: I hate Facebook. A lot. I deleted my account and haven't looked back since. But there are people who use and it can't imagine daily life without it. People who use it and are looking for pen pals will definitely want to use it as a resource. While I can't vouch for any of these groups because I've never personally used them, they come recommended in several lists I've looked at. The big one I've seen for pen-and-paper types is Worldwide Snail Mail Pen Pals. If you search for other pen pal groups on Facebook, you're sure to find a lot of them. And similar to Reddit and Discord, if you don't find a group or subreddit you like, you can create your own.

I also saw someone mention in a post that you can find penpals on Instagram under the #penpalswanted, #penpalsneeded, #snailmailwanted and other related hashtags. From poking around, I saw the style of letter exchange that seems to be popular there is very ornamental in nature. Imagine if you scrapbooked all over an envelope with stickers, washi tape, cutouts, and all kinds of other decorations. I tried to get some insight into this by going to YouTube, and apparently the letters are just as elaborate and usually filled with little gifts like tea bags and washi tape samples.

The very thought of that reminds me of spending two hours on one bullet journal spread. I have no intentions of trying to do it, but it's pretty cool that something like that exists in the world for people who enjoy it.

Discord

There are Discord servers for everything these days, including pen pals. Good Discord servers can be difficult to find if you don't already know about them because they require an invitation to join. There are Discord databases like Disboard where you can look up different servers by name or topic. The best one I've found so far is Stationery Anonymous 18+. It not only has section on letters and postcards and a pen pal matching section, it also has sections for journal prompts, bullet journal spreads, and all kinds of stuff. The crowd looking for pen pals is still younger than I'm looking for with pen pals, but I'll probably stick around anyway for all the other cool stuff they have on the server.

There's also the Geek Girls Pen Pal server. They're a pen pal matching service that embraces all kinds of geeky pop culture fandoms. So no matter what kind of geekery you're into and how old you are, they'll help you find your tribe. It's also not just for women. Men and non-binary folks are also welcome, but they allow women to specify if they're only looking to write to other women. I signed up on their website to be matched up with someone, but I won't hear back until some time in July.

The beautiful thing about Discord is you're not limited by what already exists. Anyone can start and join a Discord server. If I wanted to start a pen pal matching server that caters to a specific group, interest, age, language, or any other criteria, I can do that. If I want to create a pen pal group of adult knitters and crocheters who send crafty gifts to each other in the mail, I can do that. (Actually, I really want that one to exist! I may go create that when I'm done here.)

Whatever crossover of interests you can imagine for your pen pals, Discord will allow you to build it. And if you build it and find the right places to let people know that it exists, they will come.

Old School Websites

Some of my favorite websites from the pre-Facebook internet were pen pal matching websites. You would set up a profile and could search for pen pals anywhere in the world. A favorite of mine from back in the day was MailFriends, and I just discovered that someone is trying to resurrect it. There are a few others that have managed to stick around, and I'm currently experimenting with them to see if I can find someone to write to with them.

PenPalWorld and GlobalPenFriends are the two I'm testing out right now. They have a large enough user base that you'd think it'd be easy to find someone to write to. If you're looking for someone in a specific age range or gender, they have you covered. But between the two, I find PenPalWorld to be the better option.

Both services try to incentivize the user to buy a subscription by limiting the number of messages the user can send and receive. PenPalWorld limits free users to 3 messages sent each day, as well as 3 messages received. You can initiate contact with free comments on a person's profile, which helps a lot. They also allow you to see when the last time someone logged in, so you don't waste your free messages on people who aren't active on the site anymore.

GlobalPenFriends is a blind shot in the dark without a subscription. You have no idea who is still active on the site, and you can only send one free message every 12 hours. They have some really neat features, but trying to contact anyone on there feels like a waste of time if you're not willing to spend money.

Do you have a pen pal? How did you find them? Be sure to let us know in the comments!